Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
