Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
