Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
