:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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