dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
