I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
