I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
