dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
