Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
