He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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