She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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