I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
