If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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