there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
