a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
