Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
