I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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