I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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