I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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