I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
