hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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