And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
