I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
