My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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