She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
