her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
