at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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