And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
