i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
