my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
