You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
