I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
