I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
