what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
