Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
