Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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