she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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