That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
