like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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