Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
