so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
