how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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