I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
