Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
