so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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