Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
