I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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