You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
