On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
