I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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