all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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