A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
