ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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