I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just had sex bonerless
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
